4 steps to deal with anxiety, tragedy, or heartache

4 steps to deal with anxiety, tragedy, or heartache4 steps to deal with anxiety, tragedy, or heartacheYou dont remember me, but I was in your experiment a year ago.I just wanted to thank you. Itchanged my life.James Pennebaker has had a number of peoplesay this to him over the years.In the early 80s he came across a studyshowing that people who experienced personaltraumas butdidnt discussthem were mora likely to get sick.He wondered if just writing about their emotional upheavals could help peoplerecover. Andthe researchhe did changed lives.In the 30 years since,hundreds of studieshave documented theeffectiveness of expressive writing.It helped withanxiety, tragedy, heartache . . . It even gave relief tothose coping with cancer, heart disease, chronic pain, and AIDS.People who write abouttheir harte nusss gain a host of benefits includingfeeling happier, sleeping better, and even getting better grades.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealAcross multiple studies, people who engage in expressive writing report feeling happier and less negative than they felt before writing. Similarly, reports of depressive symptoms, rumination, and general anxiety tend to drop in the weeks and months after writing about emotional upheavals (Lepore 1997). Other studies found improvement in overall well-being and improved cognitive functioning (Barclay Skarlicki 2009).I wanted to learn more, so I gave the man himself a call.Jamie Pennebaker is a prof atthe University of Texas at Austin and the author of a number of books includingExpressive Writing Words That HealThe Secret Life of Pronouns What Our Words Say About UsIn this post youll learn howwriting can help youovercome emotional hardships and the best way touse itto help you get pasttough times.Lets get started.Can just 20 minutes of writing change your life?Bottling up your problems is stressful. People who keep their strugglesa secret go to the doctor 40% more often than thosewho dont.ViaExpressive Writing Words That Healamo ng those who had traumas, those who kept their traumas secret went to physicians almost forty percent more often than those who openly talked about their traumas (Pennebaker Susman 1988). Later research projects from multiple labs confirmed these results. Adults whose spouses had committed suicide or died suddenly in car accidents were healthier in the year following the death if they talked about the trauma than if they didnt talk about it Not talking about important issues in your life poses a significant health risk.Some of us talk to friends or binnenbinnensee a therapist when life gets hard. But not everyone.Its risky. Talking about your problems can mean feeling judged. Youre putting yourselfon the line when youre most vulnerable.But writing lets you get many of the benefitsof talking about your problems without the risk.Heres Jamiein anideal world, it works very similar to talking to a friend. The killer problem is when you talk to a friend oreven a therapist, youre putting yourself on the line.For it to work that other person has to be completely accepting, and the reality is we dont tell our friends a lot of really deep and personal things because we think it might hurt the relationship. Thats the beauty of writing. You dont have to worry about other people looking down on you or feeling nervous about putting yourself out there.But what is it about writing that calms the mind and helps us heal emotionally?There are no solid answers but theres plenty of research showing the human mind needs meaning- a story to make sense of what has happened.Only then can it rest. Writing forces you to organize your thoughts into a coherent structure. It helps you make sense of life.Heres JamieOne thing is that writing helps to organize ourexperiencesWhat we find is that people who benefit tend to increase their use of words to suggest thinking. Theyre usingcertain cognitive words. These include causal words like because, cause and effect. They include insight words u nderstand, realize no and so forth.Not only dopeople who use expressive writing feel better afterward, but that relief has real world benefits.Those who wrote about the stress of being laid off were more likely to find jobs.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealEight months after writing, fifty-two percent of the emotional writing group had new jobs compared with only twenty percent of the time management participants. The two groups went on the saatkorn number of interviews. The only difference was that the expressive writers were offered jobs (Spera, Buhrfeind, Pennebaker 1994).(For more on how to overcome regret, click here.)So writing helps us open upwhen it doesnt feel like theres anyone we can talk to. And it makes sense of the things that shake up our lives.So whats the best way to actually do it? There are 4 steps1. Ask How long has it been?If youre upset in thedays immediately after a breakup or the death of a loved one, thats natural.But when youre still feeling distressed months later, thats when you need help and writing can really make a difference.2. Commit to20 minutes for four daysCommit to writing about whats bothering you for 20 minutes onfour consecutive days.This is what the bulk of the research shows provides the best benefits. You can do more if you want this is a minimum.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealWhat if you want to keep writing after twenty minutes? Then keep writing. The twenty-minute rule is an arbitrary minimum. That is, plan to write for at least twenty minutes each day with the understanding that you can write more, but you shouldnt write less What if you find that you enjoy writing and want to continue past four days? Do it. Many people find that once they begin writing, they realize they have many issues to think about. Write for as many days as you need - just think of the four days as a minimum.Whens the best time to do it? End of the workday seems to be a good time for many people.ViaExpressive Writing Words That H ealAcross multiple studies, we have had the most success with people writing at the end of their workday. If you have children and need to feed them, then after they have gone to bed might be a good time. The operative rule, however, is for you to have some free time after writing to let your mind reflect on what you have written.(To learn more about what the words you use say about you, click here.)Got it on your calendar? Good. Heres what to do.3. Write, write, writeJust write about whats bothering you for 20 minutes straight.Dont worry about grammar or spelling. Dont worry about what anyone might think. You can delete it or throw it out when youre done writing.Just write about whats troubling you and dont hold back.Heres JamieFind a place you wont get disturbed, and I want you to sit down and just begin writing about the thing thats bothering you.Dont worry about grammar or sentencestructure or spelling. Just write. This is for you and for you alone. Plan to tear up what youve do ne when you finish. Its not a letter to somebody. Its not something for you to show someone to convince them that you are right. This is for you alone.Longhand or typing doesnt matter. Research even shows talking into a voice recorder works too.Heres JamieYou can write about the same vorstellung on each of thefour days or you can write about different events. All that is entirely up to you. Just explore your very deepest thoughts and fears. Thats the basic idea.(To learn about all the other issues writing can help you with, click here.)In general, just doing the writing for 20 minutes for four days is enough to provide people with noticeable relief. But lets go for beigabe points.There are a number of things Jamie has seen that correlate with better results.4. Stuff that can help the processWhen writing, its helpful to tie the issue into other areas of your life. How does the problem relate to your work? Your family? Your relationships?Heres JamieLets say youre having problems becau se of a failed love. You may find once you begin writing that its related to other topics.You might tie this event to other areas in your life. Your childhood, your relationship with your parents, your relationship with other peopleYou might tie it to work, you might even link it to who you want to be in the future, who youve been in the past and who you are now.People tend to benefit most from expressive writing if they openly acknowledge emotions.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealEmotional experience is part of a trauma. The ability to feel and label both the negative and the positive feelings that occurred during and following the trauma is important.Constructing a story is powerful.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealCreating a narrative, including a coherent beginning, middle, and end, is a well-documented part of trauma treatment and holds much promise for benefits from writing about trauma.Switch perspectives. Thosewho benefit the most can see the event through other peop les eyes.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealPeople who have experienced a trauma initially see it from one perspective - their own. Indeed, when individuals first write about a massive upheaval, they first describe what they saw, felt, and experienced. Recent studies indicate that people who benefit the most from writing have been able to see events through others eyes.Youre not writing an accident report for an insurance company. Dont be distant. Make your writingpersonal.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealA guiding principle of expressive writing is that you express yourself openly and honestly. People who write in a cold, detached manner and who quote Shakespeare, Aristotle, or Henry Ford may be fine historians and may even write a great editorial in the local newspaper. But impressive writing is not the point of expressive writing. People who benefit the most from writing are able to find a voice that reflects who they are.(To learn more about how to improve your writing sk ills in general, click here.)Lets round up the info and see what Jamie recommends about how to best fit this into our lives.Sum upHeres how to use writing to overcomethe things that upset youHas enough time passed? Are you suffering longerthan you should? Then writing can help.Commit to four days of 20 minutes a day. Most people write at the end of their workday.Write nonstop for 20 minutes about whats bothering you. Dont worry about errors or what anyone might think. This is for you.Tying in other areas of your life, acknowledging emotions, telling a story, switching perspectives and making it personal are all associated with betterrecovery.You dont need to wait until youre getting divorcedor somebody dies to use this. You can writewhenever you think it might help. Its literary ibuprofen.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealThink of expressive writing as a tool that will always be at your disposal, or like having medicine in your medicine cabinet. No need to take the medicine when you are healthy, but when you are under the weather, you can always turn to it.The science and the numbers are great but I have one more thing to add Ive used this myself.A few months agosomeone I cared about deeply betrayed my trust. No apology afterward. No concern for my feelings.It made it hard for me to trust anyone afterward. I was second-guessing the motives of everyone in my life.After writing for just 20 minutes it felt like a weight had beenlifted off my shoulders. The ragestopped surgingup.The rumination died down.Chaos in your life doesnt need to mean chaos in your head.Okay, this blog post is over, folks. So maybe nows the time to stop reading and start writing.Join over 135,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via schmelzglashere.Related postsHow To Make Your Life Better By Sending Five Simple EmailsHow To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done 5 Expert TipsNew Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More SuccessfulThis article originally appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.4 steps to deal with anxiety, tragedy, or heartacheYou dont remember me, but I was in your experiment a year ago.I just wanted to thank you. Itchanged my life.James Pennebaker has had a number of peoplesay this to him over the years.In the early 80s he came across a studyshowing that people who experienced personaltraumas butdidnt discussthem were more likely to get sick.He wondered if just writing about their emotional upheavals could help peoplerecover. Andthe researchhe did changed lives.In the 30 years since,hundreds of studieshave documented theeffectiveness of expressive writing.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreIt helped withanxiety, tragedy, heartache . . . It even gave relief tothose coping with cancer, heart disease, chronic pain, and AIDS.People who write abouttheir problems gain a host of benefits includingfeeling happier, sleeping better, and even getting better grades.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealAcross multiple studies, people who engage in expressive writing report feeling happier and less negative than they felt before writing. Similarly, reports of depressive symptoms, rumination, and general anxiety tend to drop in the weeks and months after writing about emotional upheavals (Lepore 1997). Other studies found improvement in overall well-being and improved cognitive functioning (Barclay Skarlicki 2009).I wanted to learn more, so I gave the man himself a call.Jamie Pennebaker is a professor atthe University of Texas at Austin and the author of a number of books includingExpressive Writing Words That HealThe Secret Life of Pronouns What Our Words Say About UsIn this post youll learn howwriting can help youovercome emotional hardships and the best way touse itto help you get pasttough times.Lets get started.Can just 20 minutes of writing change your life?Bottling up your problems is stressful. People who keep their strugglesa se cret go to the doctor 40% more often than thosewho dont.ViaExpressive Writing Words That Healamong those who had traumas, those who kept their traumas secret went to physicians almost forty percent more often than those who openly talked about their traumas (Pennebaker Susman 1988). Later research projects from multiple labs confirmed these results. Adults whose spouses had committed suicide or died suddenly in car accidents were healthier in the year following the death if they talked about the trauma than if they didnt talk about it Not talking about important issues in your life poses a significant health risk.Some of us talk to friends or see a therapist when life gets hard. But not everyone.Its risky. Talking about your problems can mean feeling judged. Youre putting yourselfon the line when youre most vulnerable.But writing lets you get many of the benefitsof talking about your problems without the risk.Heres Jamiein anideal world, it works very similar to talking to a friend . The killer problem is when you talk to a friend oreven a therapist, youre putting yourself on the line.For it to work that other person has to be completely accepting, and the reality is we dont tell our friends a lot of really deep and personal things because we think it might hurt the relationship. Thats the beauty of writing. You dont have to worry about other people looking down on you or feeling nervous about putting yourself out there.But what is it about writing that calms the mind and helps us heal emotionally?There are no solid answers but theres plenty of research showing the human mind needs meaning- a story to make sense of what has happened.Only then can it rest. Writing forces you to organize your thoughts into a coherent structure. It helps you make sense of life.Heres JamieOne thing is that writing helps to organize ourexperiencesWhat we find is that people who benefit tend to increase their use of words to suggest thinking. Theyre usingcertain cognitive words. The se include causal words like because, cause and effect. They include insight words understand, realize no and so forth.Not only dopeople who use expressive writing feel better afterward, but that relief has real world benefits.Those who wrote about the stress of being laid off were more likely to find jobs.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealEight months after writing, fifty-two percent of the emotional writing group had new jobs compared with only twenty percent of the time management participants. The two groups went on the same number of interviews. The only difference was that the expressive writers were offered jobs (Spera, Buhrfeind, Pennebaker 1994).(For more on how to overcome regret, click here.)So writing helps us open upwhen it doesnt feel like theres anyone we can talk to. And it makes sense of the things that shake up our lives.So whats the best way to actually do it? There are 4 steps1. Ask How long has it been?If youre upset in thedays immediately after a breakup or the death of a loved one, thats natural.But when youre still feeling distressed months later, thats when you need help and writing can really make a difference.2. Commit to20 minutes for four daysCommit to writing about whats bothering you for 20 minutes onfour consecutive days.This is what the bulk of the research shows provides the best benefits. You can do more if you want this is a minimum.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealWhat if you want to keep writing after twenty minutes? Then keep writing. The twenty-minute rule is an arbitrary minimum. That is, plan to write for at least twenty minutes each day with the understanding that you can write more, but you shouldnt write less What if you find that you enjoy writing and want to continue past four days? Do it. Many people find that once they begin writing, they realize they have many issues to think about. Write for as many days as you need - just think of the four days as a minimum.Whens the best time to do it? End of the wo rkday seems to be a good time for many people.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealAcross multiple studies, we have had the most success with people writing at the end of their workday. If you have children and need to feed them, then after they have gone to bed might be a good time. The operative rule, however, is for you to have some free time after writing to let your mind reflect on what you have written.(To learn more about what the words you use say about you, click here.)Got it on your calendar? Good. Heres what to do.3. Write, write, writeJust write about whats bothering you for 20 minutes straight.Dont worry about grammar or spelling. Dont worry about what anyone might think. You can delete it or throw it out when youre done writing.Just write about whats troubling you and dont hold back.Heres JamieFind a place you wont get disturbed, and I want you to sit down and just begin writing about the thing thats bothering you.Dont worry about grammar or sentencestructure or spelli ng. Just write. This is for you and for you alone. Plan to tear up what youve done when you finish. Its not a letter to somebody. Its not something for you to show someone to convince them that you are right. This is for you alone.Longhand or typing doesnt matter. Research even shows talking into a voice recorder works too.Heres JamieYou can write about the same event on each of thefour days or you can write about different events. All that is entirely up to you. Just explore your very deepest thoughts and fears. Thats the basic idea.(To learn about all the other issues writing can help you with, click here.)In general, just doing the writing for 20 minutes for four days is enough to provide people with noticeable relief. But lets go for bonus points.There are a number of things Jamie has seen that correlate with better results.4. Stuff that can help the processWhen writing, its helpful to tie the issue into other areas of your life. How does the problem relate to your work? Your fa mily? Your relationships?Heres JamieLets say youre having problems because of a failed love. You may find once you begin writing that its related to other topics.You might tie this event to other areas in your life. Your childhood, your relationship with your parents, your relationship with other peopleYou might tie it to work, you might even link it to who you want to be in the future, who youve been in the past and who you are now.People tend to benefit most from expressive writing if they openly acknowledge emotions.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealEmotional experience is part of a trauma. The ability to feel and label both the negative and the positive feelings that occurred during and following the trauma is important.Constructing a story is powerful.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealCreating a narrative, including a coherent beginning, middle, and end, is a well-documented part of trauma treatment and holds much promise for benefits from writing about trauma.Switch pers pectives. Thosewho benefit the most can see the event through other peoples eyes.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealPeople who have experienced a trauma initially see it from one perspective - their own. Indeed, when individuals first write about a massive upheaval, they first describe what they saw, felt, and experienced. Recent studies indicate that people who benefit the most from writing have been able to see events through others eyes.Youre not writing an accident report for an insurance company. Dont be distant. Make your writingpersonal.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealA guiding principle of expressive writing is that you express yourself openly and honestly. People who write in a cold, detached manner and who quote Shakespeare, Aristotle, or Henry Ford may be fine historians and may even write a great editorial in the local newspaper. But impressive writing is not the point of expressive writing. People who benefit the most from writing are able to find a voice that r eflects who they are.(To learn more about how to improve your writing skills in general, click here.)Lets round up the info and see what Jamie recommends about how to best fit this into our lives.Sum upHeres how to use writing to overcomethe things that upset youHas enough time passed? Are you suffering longerthan you should? Then writing can help.Commit to four days of 20 minutes a day. Most people write at the end of their workday.Write nonstop for 20 minutes about whats bothering you. Dont worry about errors or what anyone might think. This is for you.Tying in other areas of your life, acknowledging emotions, telling a story, switching perspectives and making it personal are all associated with betterrecovery.You dont need to wait until youre getting divorcedor somebody dies to use this. You can writewhenever you think it might help. Its literary ibuprofen.ViaExpressive Writing Words That HealThink of expressive writing as a tool that will always be at your disposal, or like havi ng medicine in your medicine cabinet. No need to take the medicine when you are healthy, but when you are under the weather, you can always turn to it.The science and the numbers are great but I have one more thing to add Ive used this myself.A few months agosomeone I cared about deeply betrayed my trust. No apology afterward. No concern for my feelings.It made it hard for me to trust anyone afterward. I was second-guessing the motives of everyone in my life.After writing for just 20 minutes it felt like a weight had beenlifted off my shoulders. The ragestopped surgingup.The rumination died down.Chaos in your life doesnt need to mean chaos in your head.Okay, this blog post is over, folks. So maybe nows the time to stop reading and start writing.Join over 135,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.This article originally appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.